Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for sharing your experience here. The only people who did wrong are the rapists, attempted rapists and their enablers. What miserable existences they must lead.
Thank you for this insightful article. The culture you describe is also found in state universities where the party culture of the frat boys is prevalent. They are not the kids of the Uber rich, but they are still feel entitled and are on the prowl for sexual conquests.
I had a neighbor about 10 years ago--young woman, age 17-18, went to a state university and was raped (passed out) and impregnated by the end of the first semester of her freshman year. Frat boy rapist's parents first denied it, then said they would pay medical expenses for their first grandchild. But in no way did I hear or see the young man rapist step up and do anything regarding this. Child being raised today by her maternal grandmother.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for your kind words. I found at the state university I attended after leaving my Ivy it was more fraternity and athletic toxic cultures committing unchecked violence—and being fully supported by the men in power—than wealth borne entitlement and privilege. But sexual violence is absolutely a big problem across higher education in the United States. I don't know if it's different in other countries or not.
As a tall athletic blond I had to put many attackers into the hospital. Two of them were SDSU football players. The coach threatened ME with assault. I told him I was going to call the Brookings Register to let all the fathers know who send their daughters to college there that he, the football coach, thinks we women were suppose to be rape fodder for his players. By the time I got done with him, it was he who was afraid of me. My military father taught me how to put men into the hospital with one or two strikes. ALL females should be taught such techniques. I have saved many more girls and women from not only rape, but also attempted kidnapping. Too many men are outright animals, and I treat those monsters like the rabid dogs that they are.
The element of surprise is so very important for us females, so I do not advertise the best, FAST, self defense moves publicly. I will message you. But know this, the thing we females must conquer the most in a horrible situation is our compassion. You MUST think of, and treat, your attacker as a rabid animal.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). Too many girls are programmed from birth to not make waves, to sacrifice their own comfort for others, to go with the flow.
So many women find more fault with themselves after being attacked sexually and/or physically and society is happy to pile on. "Why did she do/wear/say/drink/take this‽ She was practically asking for it."
I don't fault any woman for not fighting back. I know I was raised to stand up for myself at all times, but very few of my female friends were. We need to raise empowered girls and dismantle rape culture. Society browbeats girls to be passive then blames them when their passivity is exploited by men encouraged to be toxic.
The things said and messages given to even toddlers based on gender is messed up.
Thank you. I know which Ivy you're talking about. I grew up in that town, and went to the state university at the same time in the 80's. The difference between the two schools regarding the danger of being raped was like night and day. My school - awareness and how to be cautious (far from perfect, but they were trying without a playbook), you're school "nothing to see here".
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). Yeah, the cover-ups and excuses were so organized it was obvious it was common and an expected part of administrative duties.
What a strong essay. This behavior has been happening forever, not only on campuses, but in our society at large, as well as in our military. Many men feel entitled to do whatever they want, or to say whatever they want to women. It won't stop until the men who don't behave like this stop laughing at the stories, ignoring the language and actions of these men, excusing this behavior and quit looking the other way. When the Access Hollywood tape was released I saw a lot of men condemn Trump's behavior - for about a day - and now those same men support Trump, even after he was found liable for rape in the E. Jean Carroll case. It isn't easy to stop systemic misogyny but we all have to do what we can, and we have to support the women who are harmed.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). As I noted in a previous comment, girls are programmed from birth to not make waves, sacrifice their own comfort for others, go with the flow, etc...
I was raised to stand up for myself at all times, but I was an exception among my female friends and have been constantly criticized for being "too aggressive" because of it.
The majority of United States' culture tells girls to be passive and boys the opposite, then blames girls when their passivity is exploited by men encouraged all their lives to be toxic.
Dismantling rape culture begins at birth. By the time kids hit preschool, they've already received thousands of messages about gender roles.
I certainly agree. I'm on the autism spectrum but not diagnosed until in my mid 60s. I was not raised to stand up for myself but I did, and I too was accused of being "too aggressive", told I should smile more often, and not being a team player at work. It's frustrating but I'm glad that many women don't give up, and keep coming forward to tell their stories. Change is slow, but I believe it will happen.
If someone tried to rape me, I would probably threaten to kill them too. I’m autistic, and for a quiet person, I can be surprisingly reactive when angered.
Thank you for your reporting and I am very sorry that you had that repeated experience. Too often women are not believed when reporting the experience to friends and that discourages reporting to authorities. There is likely a special place in hell for rapists and hit and run drivers, hopefully.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). As it was such a widespread occurrence, belief wasn't really an issue. At my Ivy it was getting anyone to care.
Echoing so much of what’s been said here — this is brilliant, important, essential writing. I’m sharing it wherever I can. But how do we get the people who need to see and read this, to believe and act on it?
Thank you so much… and I’m so glad you didn’t have to maim or kill any of those idiots – it would’ve only created hell for you.
Wow. Thank you for the courage to share your story. Much of what you share is what I suspected. Your story goes beyond validating. It makes it real in a way that I imagine who these people are. 🙏
I’m so sorry you were a abuse by him and your school.
Oh, the self blame is so hard to fight.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for sharing your experience here. The only people who did wrong are the rapists, attempted rapists and their enablers. What miserable existences they must lead.
Thank you for writing this.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for reading it.
Thank you for this insightful article. The culture you describe is also found in state universities where the party culture of the frat boys is prevalent. They are not the kids of the Uber rich, but they are still feel entitled and are on the prowl for sexual conquests.
I had a neighbor about 10 years ago--young woman, age 17-18, went to a state university and was raped (passed out) and impregnated by the end of the first semester of her freshman year. Frat boy rapist's parents first denied it, then said they would pay medical expenses for their first grandchild. But in no way did I hear or see the young man rapist step up and do anything regarding this. Child being raised today by her maternal grandmother.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for your kind words. I found at the state university I attended after leaving my Ivy it was more fraternity and athletic toxic cultures committing unchecked violence—and being fully supported by the men in power—than wealth borne entitlement and privilege. But sexual violence is absolutely a big problem across higher education in the United States. I don't know if it's different in other countries or not.
Powerful, insightful on so many levels. In short, the best article I have read on the Big Picture.
Many of us saw through Kavanaugh's how dare you rant. But here Amelia gets at what's behind this privileged sentiment and reality we live in.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for your kind words about my piece.
You are very welcome. Thank you for for sharing such powerfully moving insights!
As a tall athletic blond I had to put many attackers into the hospital. Two of them were SDSU football players. The coach threatened ME with assault. I told him I was going to call the Brookings Register to let all the fathers know who send their daughters to college there that he, the football coach, thinks we women were suppose to be rape fodder for his players. By the time I got done with him, it was he who was afraid of me. My military father taught me how to put men into the hospital with one or two strikes. ALL females should be taught such techniques. I have saved many more girls and women from not only rape, but also attempted kidnapping. Too many men are outright animals, and I treat those monsters like the rabid dogs that they are.
You are amazing!
Thank you Britta. I don't think I am amazing, but rather a survivor filled with righteous indignation.
Please tell us the technique?
The element of surprise is so very important for us females, so I do not advertise the best, FAST, self defense moves publicly. I will message you. But know this, the thing we females must conquer the most in a horrible situation is our compassion. You MUST think of, and treat, your attacker as a rabid animal.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). Too many girls are programmed from birth to not make waves, to sacrifice their own comfort for others, to go with the flow.
So many women find more fault with themselves after being attacked sexually and/or physically and society is happy to pile on. "Why did she do/wear/say/drink/take this‽ She was practically asking for it."
I don't fault any woman for not fighting back. I know I was raised to stand up for myself at all times, but very few of my female friends were. We need to raise empowered girls and dismantle rape culture. Society browbeats girls to be passive then blames them when their passivity is exploited by men encouraged to be toxic.
The things said and messages given to even toddlers based on gender is messed up.
WELL done Peggy and SPOT ON
Damn! You are my hero
Thank you, Amanda. I want all females to be trained to turn the tables on the animals.
Thank you. I know which Ivy you're talking about. I grew up in that town, and went to the state university at the same time in the 80's. The difference between the two schools regarding the danger of being raped was like night and day. My school - awareness and how to be cautious (far from perfect, but they were trying without a playbook), you're school "nothing to see here".
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). Yeah, the cover-ups and excuses were so organized it was obvious it was common and an expected part of administrative duties.
What a strong essay. This behavior has been happening forever, not only on campuses, but in our society at large, as well as in our military. Many men feel entitled to do whatever they want, or to say whatever they want to women. It won't stop until the men who don't behave like this stop laughing at the stories, ignoring the language and actions of these men, excusing this behavior and quit looking the other way. When the Access Hollywood tape was released I saw a lot of men condemn Trump's behavior - for about a day - and now those same men support Trump, even after he was found liable for rape in the E. Jean Carroll case. It isn't easy to stop systemic misogyny but we all have to do what we can, and we have to support the women who are harmed.
I also suggest women learn to kill with their bare hands. It has worked for me.
Please teach me.
You can find local martial arts sponsored "Women's Self Defense Classes" in your area.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). As I noted in a previous comment, girls are programmed from birth to not make waves, sacrifice their own comfort for others, go with the flow, etc...
I was raised to stand up for myself at all times, but I was an exception among my female friends and have been constantly criticized for being "too aggressive" because of it.
The majority of United States' culture tells girls to be passive and boys the opposite, then blames girls when their passivity is exploited by men encouraged all their lives to be toxic.
Dismantling rape culture begins at birth. By the time kids hit preschool, they've already received thousands of messages about gender roles.
I certainly agree. I'm on the autism spectrum but not diagnosed until in my mid 60s. I was not raised to stand up for myself but I did, and I too was accused of being "too aggressive", told I should smile more often, and not being a team player at work. It's frustrating but I'm glad that many women don't give up, and keep coming forward to tell their stories. Change is slow, but I believe it will happen.
Well said.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi).
A brilliant piece of writing! Sharing on Post.News..
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for your support of my writing.
If I could say You’re Welcome in Lakȟótiyapi I would..Nevertheless,
you are most welcome.. I am proud to share it, and better educated having read it..
Not even a little surprised.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). Anyone surprised hasn't paid attention or lived an extremely sheltered life.
Yep.
If someone tried to rape me, I would probably threaten to kill them too. I’m autistic, and for a quiet person, I can be surprisingly reactive when angered.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). My autism has served me well in more ways than it's been a hindrance.
Thank you for your reporting and I am very sorry that you had that repeated experience. Too often women are not believed when reporting the experience to friends and that discourages reporting to authorities. There is likely a special place in hell for rapists and hit and run drivers, hopefully.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi). As it was such a widespread occurrence, belief wasn't really an issue. At my Ivy it was getting anyone to care.
Thank you. This is the best article I've read in a long while.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for your kind words.
Echoing so much of what’s been said here — this is brilliant, important, essential writing. I’m sharing it wherever I can. But how do we get the people who need to see and read this, to believe and act on it?
Thank you so much… and I’m so glad you didn’t have to maim or kill any of those idiots – it would’ve only created hell for you.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for supporting my writing by sharing it.
Wow. Thank you for the courage to share your story. Much of what you share is what I suspected. Your story goes beyond validating. It makes it real in a way that I imagine who these people are. 🙏
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for reading my piece.
Thank you for having the courage to write this powerful piece that clearly exposes a key component of white privilege.
Philámayaye (thank you in Lakȟótiyapi) for reading it.
Wow! Nobody has ever said that to me before. By the way, https://www.lakotanationvsus.movie/ is on my list of movies to see. Would you recommend it?
Yes, I thought it was well done.